Funk.

I haven't felt like blogging the past few days. Nothing worth saying and I was in a major funk. No real reason for it but just felt blah. To fill any interested parties in, I'm copying a section of a letter I wrote to my friend (yes, I still write letters and mail them... usually typed, sometimes handwritten).

I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday for a checkup (mainly because I have Gilbert’s Syndrome, a pretty dull disease that has no affect on anything unless it gets screwy [slim to none chance] and it’s hereditary (thanks, Mom!)). It’s such a dull thing that Mom didn’t know she had it until they diagnosed me and told me to have my family checked. Basically, I need regular blood tests on the off-chance there’s something wrong with the GS and because I’ve been tired. I’ve even gained 10 pounds since last year. UGH. This is with me working out every fricking day during the week and taking long walks in the afternoon. Seriously.

I went in yesterday morning for the blood work and had all my results emailed by the end of the day complete with notes from the doctor. Got to love modern technology… and Kaiser too. Everything is good. No thyroid condition or anemia; my GS is perfectly fine. So now I’m not sure if I should be happy or frustrated that working out just isn’t cutting it for me. I don’t obsess about calories but I’m not eating cheesecake every day either. Too bad, we aren’t rich enough for someone to make me perfectly portioned meals everyday that taste good. UGH.

T. thinks I’m letting the whole thing get to me too much and that it’ll work out all well and good. If he worked out with me everyday and gained weight, I’m sure he’d understand my frustration - not that he isn't supportive; he just doesn't understand. Part of me just wants to give up and scream while shoving spoonfuls of Chocolate Overload cake from Michelle Marie’s Patisserie into my mouth while laughing evilly and licking the crumbs off the plate. But then there’s the whole guilt thing. Another part just wants to cry until my eyes swell shut. Then there’s the slim leftover part that is pushing me to work harder and stop bitching. I think all three are good ideas, esp. the cake part. That won’t happen though because I don’t want to drive to that side of town. Traffic over there usually sucks this time of day and I don’t want to be bothered. I can’t cry because I’m at work and I’d have my coworkers peering into my windows and sticking their heads in my door asking if I’m okay. I’d never hear the end of it. So, that really just leaves option c.

I feel better now. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I keep telling myself it's just a number and my clothes fit better now than they did last year but having your doctor tell you that you gained 10 pounds and that it's a concern is just depressing. There, I said it. Now, can I move on??? Please.

Anyway, I found these hooks at Urban Outfitters while surfing the net yesterday afternoon. The "welcome" hooks made me smile. I love the color on that one. I think I like the "beautiful day" phrasing more. I'd buy the one on the right and spray paint it yellow or some other random happy color. Just thinking about that makes it a better day altogether.